Keep the Music Coming

by Mike Moore

They serve in a small place. But the work they do is not small and it is very important. Dick and Linda serve God in Mississippi. They live near a small town and are busy writing books and articles and also work at a church in another nearby town.

Christians do not have to be in large cities among lots of people. They are to be a light in whatever spot they are placed. These two people are not a small candle-sized flame, they are like the light of a bonfire.

It is a great example. We go and work wherever He directs. He gives the strength and the results.

On the bulletin board in the football locker room at Madison County (FL) High School the words appear-“We must play the song we came on earth to play. Let us not die with our music still in us.” The quote is not really talking about music at all. It was posted to get young men to give their all and play with the strength they have and leave nothing undone.

Thank you, Dick and Linda.

Keep the music coming.


December is Here

Moore Thoughts by Mike Moore

There are only 12 of them. We call them months and they all have a flavor, a taste, an appearance. Some bring cold weather, some hot, and others the in-between temperatures.

Now it is December. It is a magical month. December is special in many ways. No amount of commercialism can ruin Christmas for me. Nothing can downgrade December. I have always enjoyed December, as a child, a young father, and now as a grandfather.

December is wassail, a hot fruit drink my wife makes. It is eggnog and chocolate-covered cherries and special ornaments on the tree. It is carols. It is It’s a Wonderful Life in black and white and the traditional Scrooge.

December is Pearl Harbor and troops away from home and presents for prisoners’ children. It is breakfast pizza made by my wife and often served by candlelight because we got up so early on Christmas morning. It is mistletoe and holly and poinsettias and wreaths. It is Clement Clarke Moore with his Night Before Christmas and Longfellow with I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. It is Silent Night. It is the birthdays of Joel Chandler Harris, Walt Disney, Eli Whitney, Milton, Emily Dickinson and Beethoven.

It was Washington crossing the Delaware and Phi Beta Kappa being founded at the College of William and Mary. It was Valley Forge.

It is the Hallelujah Chorus.

It is 50 family members at a big dinner. It is Aunt Ruth, who admits she is over 80, now.

It is amazed shepherds and joyous angels and the best music ever written.

It is children in costumes that look much like bathrobes and towels. The serious-looking kids are gathered around something called a manger. It is candles and fragrances. It is a turkey in the oven and sweet potatoes.

December is New Year’s Eve, sometimes observed with friends or at church or at home. It is high school fo

otball playoffs and early-season basketball and some children who can’t seem to sleep. It is the sound of 50 youngsters on the street with their new roller skates during my childhood. It was my parents’ Christmas Eve wedding anniversary. December is end and beginning.

December also brings Hanukkah. And in some places, it is winter. The calendar says winter begins on the 21st. It is thousands of lights, private and public displays. Where do they plug all of these in?

And December is our wedding anniversary. It recalls the day when we stood in Tampa with the crowd of friends and family. I was stunned by the beauty of the bride. I still remember her eyes and her warm hand. We made the vows, cut the cake, ran through a hail of rice. And then 46 years sped by.

And although it probably didn’t happen during December, it is mostly about a young man and woman making a slow journey, stopping at a crowded wayside inn and finding no vacancy. It is about a birth in a cow stall and God becoming Man. The great story is told in the Bible by a man named Luke… “and the babe lying in a manger.”

And Isaiah said, “For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given.”

December, so good to see you again.


Seen, not heard? Where Kids Fit In

by John Howell, Jr.

ktdLesson 4 in the series “Kids These Days: Biblical Help for Families” focuses on practical application of biblical truths in the family. Bible teacher and author, John Howell, Jr., is assistant pastor at First Baptist Church, Batesville, MS. and  serves on the Glimpses of Grace Board.

One of the ways I tease my children (but hopefully not to the “provoking” stage that we will learn about in the next chapter) is to compare the experience of my childhood to their childhood experiences. As have dads throughout recorded history, I exaggerate my stories considerably in explaining how hard I had to work cutting lawns in the neighborhood, how far I had to walk to get to school, how rarely I received a pair of new shoes, and so forth. My stories of yesteryear have become so far-fetched that I can barely keep a straight face when I’m sharing them, and these recollections have become a running joke. But it is actually more than a joke, because I’m trying to hang onto some common-sense parenting and trying to gently remind them that life is not set up to be to be all about them. I am also attempting to let them know that life in this sin-sick, fallen world can be very challenging at times. As tough as this news may be for our children to swallow, they need to learn that they are not the sun, and the rest of us the planets orbiting around them.

As much as my childhood in the 1970s and 1980s contrasts with the childhoods my three offspring have experienced and are experiencing, I can only imagine how the parents who raised “The Greatest Generation” in the early 20th Century would react to what they see in today’s families. It is from that era that I reach back and grab the now-defunct phrase, “Children should be seen and not heard.” This implies that children were taught that their will was to be subordinate to the leadership of the adults, and that they as children were to behave in the presence of adults in obedience and meekness. As foreign as this type of training may seem to us today, I would assert that their parenting style was much closer to the Bible’s instructions than are today’s philosophies and parenting styles.

The Power Passages: Ephesians 6:1-4; Proverbs 22:6

Our study is now transitioning from general principles of the value of children, the value of marriage, and the general importance of authority and is moving on to the application of these biblical truths in the family. It is time to get very specific, so let me just put it out there for you. As a teacher and school leader, I saw some very bad parenting habits that produced predictably bad outcomes. For example, the following philosophies and goals (all I have which I have heard articulated by parents) are bad philosophies and excuses, and will likely bring great harm to your child or children:

  • “I just want my child to be happy.”
  • “I didn’t get to have much when I was growing up, so I want my children to have what they want.”
  • “I don’t care what Mrs. Smith the teacher has told me, because I believe my child’s story instead. My child may not be perfect, but he wouldn’t lie to me.”
  • “I’m not going to spank my child because I don’t want to teach him that violence is the answer.”
  • “I have a hard time fussing at my child, because I just love him too much, and he’s just too cute.”
  • “It is a phase. I’m sure he will grow out of it, so I am going to just ignore his actions for now.”
  • “Maybe you can do something with my child. I just can’t make him mind me.”
  • “She doesn’t do that at home. I’m sure she is being provoked by the other children.”
  • “My child is misbehaving because he is bored. He is very smart, and he just needs to be challenged.”

Following any of the above philosophies or leaning on any of the above excuses are sure-fire ways of raising a child who is unhappy, insecure, unsure of boundaries (but deep-down badly hoping they do exist and will be applied to him), and destined for a life of turmoil. And it is at this point that I need to be transparent with my readers: my wife and I have allowed many of these problematic parenting modes to impact our decision making, emotions, or comments on occasion. The key is to recognize these harmful, sinful impulses and to move away from this “stinking thinking” through the divine energy and wisdom provided by the Holy Spirit of God.

Fathers and mothers in past generations had a better understanding of their biblical responsibilities. Therefore, they weren’t as interested in their child’s happiness as they were interested in preparing their child for life’s challenges. They knew that fulfilling a child’s wishes and desires as each whimsical “want” is expressed by their child will produce, over time, ungrateful, insatiable human beings. That now-past generation of parents (and grandparents) also knew Solomon’s teaching on properly administered corporal punishment. “The rod and reproof bring wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth this mother to shame” (Prov. 29:15). Solomon, as we know, had a lot to say about raising children, and the subject often comes up in his proverbs. This wise king reminds his readers that parenting principles have eternal consequences.

So, let’s keep a safe distance from the harmful swarm of “helicopter parents” who hover about little Johnny making sure he is happy and trying to fix any problems or issues he encounters. Let’s stay on guard lest we get caught up in modern parenting trends and find ourselves part of the scary (and toxic) movement of “dive bomber parents” who swoop in to try to get their children out of trouble with authority by attacking authority figures (teachers, law enforcement, or others in charge of their children). Let’s instead get very close to the Bible, and see what the Word of God teaches about parenting.

Thankfully, we will find that the message is not complicated.

  1. A child has one easy-to-understand responsibility

No matter how intelligent we think we are, we can all be grateful that our heavenly Father makes the important matters of our human existence very simple and very understandable. For example, the salvation that He offers through the work of Jesus Christ is extended as a “gift,” to be received by faith. We can all understand the concept of a gift, even a young child. Prior to the new birth, we are “lost.” That concept is very understandable. We read in the Bible that we are born “dead,” spiritually speaking. That is very clear, and it would require deliberate distortion to communicate this truth incorrectly and say that we can somehow on our own produce life and save ourselves. Additionally, the good and godly qualities that flow from the life of a Christian are described as “fruits.” We can all understand what that means and how that works because we have all seen fruits on the vine or tree. And what about the teaching that Jesus Christ is “the Light of the world.” That simple truth speaks to our hearts as well. As Bible students can attest, I could go on for a while with this listing of simple illustrations that communicate profound truths. The point: our God makes the important principles simple enough for even a child’s mind to grasp.

We have learned in our study that God makes it clear that children are a very high priority in His way of looking at life. We have seen the love that is communicated when the Lord Jesus hugs and blesses the little children (Mark 10). We know what God says about them, but what does He say to them? In light of God’s consistency in making important spiritual truths understandable in His Word, what does a holy, majestic God have to say directly to children in His Word? Here it is:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Eph. 6:1).

Could this instruction be any clearer? I don’t think it could!  I am not asserting that it is easy for the child to carry out the instruction (more on that to come), but I am asserting that the instruction can’t be misunderstood. Neglected, yes; misunderstood, no.  This powerful simplicity is part of the sublime, supernatural nature of God’s plan and God’s Word. The Bible doesn’t say, “Children, give strong consideration to your parents’ suggestions: for this is usually right” (how’d that teaching get so popular?). The Bible doesn’t say, “Children, your parents are usually idiots so beware their teachings and listen to your equally immature friends or perhaps the little devil on your shoulder instead.” As school principals can attest, that ill-fated plan seems to carry the day on many occasions. No, the Bible says “children obey your parents,” and, furthermore, it is as if God implies, “trust Me with the outcome of that plan.”

These simple instructions apply in a broader sense, however, than to only the parent-child relationship. When the parent transfers the care of the child to another adult in authority, this principle of “children, obey your parents in the Lord” tranfers right along with the diaper bag or backpack. Therefore, in a school setting, the instructions become, “Children, obey your teacher in the Lord…” At grandmother’s house: “Children, obey your grandmother in the Lord…” (even if your grandparents usually won’t make you obey them and are normally about the business of spoiling you J).  The legal world explains this transfer using the Latin phrase “in loco parentis,” meaning the legal responsibility of a person or organization to take on the responsibilities of a parent. Our children should be taught this principle on a spiritual level as we teach them their simple job outlined in Ephesians 6:1.

Let’s not run past the important phrase “in the Lord.” As a child gets older and more mature, and as the temptations begin to expand as his universe expands, the power source of the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to measure up to these simple instructions. I concede that they reach an age at which we can no longer coerce obedience, especially at the heart level. When a child is young, obedience is to be forced by just about any means necessary, with special “win-at-all-costs” emphasis given to any act of blatant disrespect to authority). However, as a child matures, the submission of the will is accomplished by the supernatural operation of the Spirit of God in the life of the young person rather than by force. (Adults, when we look back on our own childhood experiences, we only have to take a very brief stroll down memory lane before we begin to remember how we as youths performed under these same “simple instructions.”) Obviously, the only way the young person has access to this supernatural ability to die to the pride and rebellion of the self will is to be spiritually alive unto Christ via the new birth. The phrase “in the Lord” brings a spiritual context into these simple instructions, and the overwhelming concept of leading our children to faith in Jesus Christ is a critical subject covered in a later chapter. Nevertheless, as parents, our marching orders are to get the message of Ephesians 6:1 to our children. Consistently. Firmly. And, as we will learn from verse 4, lovingly.

Parents should also note that in Ephesians 6:2-3 the apostle Paul strengthens his instructions to children by reaching back into the time of Moses and the Law and backing up the simple instruction of Ephesians 6:1 by connecting it to the 5th commandment of the famous 10 Commandments. Paul reminds his reader that the 5th commandment is the first one that also has a promise attached to it. Paul is referring to Exodus 20:12: “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” After four commandments, the fifth one includes a positive principle. That principle is that, as a general rule, children who obey their parents will live longer. The implication is that an obedient young person will avoid a deadly calamity. Please note that—given that we live in a world that is under the curse of sin and death until the return of our Lord—this is a general principle, which is to say that there are exceptions. However, let the record show that I have seen this principle play out in a very predictable manner. Anyone who has worked in a high school (or junior high school) labors under the fear of the “empty seat” in the classroom due to an untimely death of a young person. Those of us who have experienced this happen can attest that disobedience to parents, or disobedience to other legitimate authority, is more often than not a factor in the tragedy.

And none of this is complicated, at least in theory. In practice, well, that’s another matter, as parents generally speaking are failing to communicate God’s message to their children and also failing to apply discipline when children disobey.

  1. This one responsibility is a “spiritual barometer”

In light of these very simple instructions to children, it follows that a measurement of how a child is handling the instructions to “obey (his/her) parents in the Lord” provides insight into a child’s spiritual health. So, if my teenager consistently is behaving disrespectfully to me, or his teacher or coach, it is a clear indicator that he is having spiritual problems and therefore needs spiritual counsel and assistance (and probably other disciplinary action as well). If my child is consistently disobedient, disrespectful, and rebellious, my child is not doing well spiritually. In the school where I served, students in grades 6-12 met each Wednesday for chapel. They grew accustomed to me asking them as a group, “How are you doing, spiritually?” They began to anticipate my reminder, which was: “The answer can be found in how you are treating your parents and teachers.” (There is really a two-part question involved. The second part is to ask them, “How much time are you spending with God?” More on that form of “relationship measurement” in a later chapter). In retrospect, maybe I should have been firmer in chapel and used the language of Proverbs. “The wise in heart will receive commandments: but a prating fool shall fall” (Prov. 10:8). Kids…don’t play the fool!

I am emphasizing this point because it is important for parents to address the underlying spiritual issue rather than to run around addressing the flare ups and living in fear of the results of the child’s next foolish and disobedient decision. Through prayer, counsel, and spiritual instruction, let’s “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Those instructions in verse 4 will be studied in greater detail in the next chapter.

Now for the zinger! (And please know that I am typing this chapter with much prayer knowing that my three children are very much a work in progress.) Just as our children’s obedience and attitude toward authority is a barometer of how they are doing spiritually, our children’s obedience and attitude toward authority is also a barometer as to the spiritual health of the entire home. Ouch! It’s true. Though I repeat again there are exceptions, rebellious children tell the story of poor spiritual leadership in the home. And dads, this is primarily on your (our) shoulders.

How do I know this? This truth comes to light when Paul is assisting the churches by providing principles whereby spiritual leaders are to be selected. This teaching from Paul can be found in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and in instructions to Titus in Titus 1:6-9. At the heart of Paul’s instructions to these fledgling churches as to the selection of pastors and deacons are some verses that are important to our study of the responsibility of fathers:

“A bishop [elder, pastor] then must be…one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)” (1 Tim. 3:2a, 4-5).

I find this to be very illuminating and also very sobering. Paul is coaching Timothy on how to help the churches that they are planting. One of the first needs is for the missionary team to identify spiritual leaders, men upon whom to confer the task of pastoring and shepherding the new congregations of believers.

Not surprisingly, as Paul spells out what to look for in these men, he tells Timothy to seek men with good reputation who are “above reproach” in the community and also who are “the husband of one wife” (1 Tim. 3:2). (I’m not going to define my understanding of that “husband of one wife” phrase as part of this study but will instead note that Timothy at the very least is instructed to bypass men who have a history of problems with women). Paul tells Timothy that the men to whom he will be assigning pastoral roles should not be “given to wine” (1 Tim. 3:3). He also adds that Timothy should look for men who care for the welfare of strangers, who are not apt to argue or fight, and who are not greedy for money or covetous of material goods. And then comes the area given the most emphasis by Paul, which qualification spelled out in considerable detail in verses 4-5. Here, Paul teaches there is a direct correlation with the spiritual health of a man’s spiritual leadership in his home and the behavior of his children. Paul points out that the church family that he would be shepherding is much like his own family, only bigger. So, if the home is characterized by rebellion, it should be inferred that the man lacks the spiritual acumen to lead a congregation.

I told you this was a zinger. And this principle doesn’t stop with pastors. Paul applies this same qualification to the office of deacon in the same chapter. Back in our focal passage in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6, the Bible student sees Paul applying more pressure to fathers than he does to mothers, especially in Ephesians 6:4. In the Old Testament, great leaders who accomplish amazing acts of faith are still held accountable to the responsibility of passing the spiritual baton to their children (and the Old Testament is filled with heart-breaking accounts of failures, which now serve to warn fathers of vulnerabilities in this area).

At this point, I am guilty of getting in over my head in writing and teaching about doctrines that I have not yet fully tested and experienced. I would also like to add that we must also look to the Bible’s premiere doctrines of grace rather than running about evaluating each other or the pastors that we know. We likely do not know the full story, and we have moved into very sensitive and personal matters. The enemy has targeted spiritual leaders who preach the good news of eternal life through Jesus Christ, coming after families with these legions of demons. Some strong-willed children get on the “my-way highway” despite enjoying an upbringing in nurturing, spiritually-solid environments, so let not any of us dare rush to judgment. Instead, let us pray steadfastly for God’s grace, mercy and leadership to steer the eternal souls of our children.



  1. “My child is very needy and can’t seem to entertain himself for even a brief time. What do I need to do?”
  2. “From my discussions with my child, I’m pretty sure my child’s teacher doesn’t like her. Is it time for me to send my husband down to the school to straighten this out?”
  3. “My teenaged daughter has finally found a friend to spend time with, but I am uncomfortable with the disrespectful manner in which this friend speaks to her parents (and to me). Should I discourage this friendship?”


Your turn

  1. Is there a statute of limitations for Ephesians 6:2 (“Honor thy father and mother…”), or does this verse touch the lives of believing adult “children” as well?
  2. For parents who are encountering this concept of “roles” within the family for the first time, is there a way to implement this biblical model in situations in which habits have already formed?




Authority (The real story on Biblical submission)

by Jktdohn Howell, Jr.

This is Lesson e in the study “Kids These Days: Biblical Help for Families.” This  13-week study is aimed at connecting powerful truths that the Bible gives us about the family with the pressing, painful needs within our families.

There is a short verse near the end of Paul’s first letter to believers at Corinth that provides important insight into the plan and workings of God. The verse: “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40). Though this verse specifically refers to the operations of the local church, these instructions are consistent on how He runs His universe. This truth is revealed in the Old Testament in a variety of ways. “Decently and in order” is how God organized Israel’s march through the wilderness, and how He laid out His instructions for the tabernacle, and later the temple. The Bible student, as he studies further, learns that God always advances His plans “decently and in order.” This instruction should also guide us as we interact with the government and in the way we interact with our employer or our employees (1 Peter 2:11-18; Eph. 6:5-9).

For any entity to operate smoothly, there must be someone in charge, someone who is given the authority to lead. There should be no surprise that God has engineered the family to operate under this same principle. For the family to operate with decency and order, there must be singular leadership, with others in the family submitting to that leadership.

The Power Passages: Ephesians 5:22-25; Romans 13:1

Due to ignorance (or worse), the organized church and even Bible-influenced cultures have been through dark periods in which the idea of the wife submitting to the husband was misunderstood and often abused. The result was the women were pushed into second-class status, or seen as inferior to men. This philosophy still flourishes in some cultures, disintegrating even to abuse of women. Looking at cultures across the globe, and observing from history, a true understanding of what the Bible teaches about the role and significance of women can always be associated with a better life for females. Cultures that are opposed to biblical Christianity, especially cultures influenced by Islam, suppress the basic rights of women. It is sadly ironic that in the West, Christianity has been tagged as anti-feminine when in fact Christianity teaches that women and girls are to be cherished, honored and protected. Men and women are equal in worth and value before our heavenly Father. Men and women, do, however, have different tasks and functions to carry out.

This chapter features three takeaways that will help us in our homes as we relate to our spouses and children.

  1. A submissive attitude toward authority produces a healthy society

The year 2016 has been characterized by alarming breakdowns of authority in the U.S. I watched television coverage from Memphis (which is 50 miles north of where I live) recently in which protesters had taken control of a major interstate and in effect shut down interstate traffic across the Mississippi River. Due to controversy over the application of police authority, we have seen violence between protesters and police break out in many large cities. Given a spark, most if not all major cities in our country seem to be at risk of becoming dangerous and out of control. One of the main factors is that rather than submitting to authority, many in our country are resistant and hostile to authority. Another factor contributing to this dangerous trend is the occasional failure of those in authority to exert authority wisely for the welfare of citizens and the preservation of law and order.

So what about those abuses of authority? That is a fair question. There are times when we have seen evidence of authority being handled poorly and unfairly. There are even (rare) situations when authority figures behave in a rogue and dangerous manner. Are there times when citizens should stand up and push back? These are very timely and practical questions for the Christian.

The apostle Paul dealt with similar issues as he planted churches and nurtured pastors to tend to these churches. In fact, life in imperial Rome in Paul’s time was rougher than life in our nation (even at present), especially for believers in Jesus Christ.  We can complain about whomever may be the president and can experience frustration about those in authority over us, but the hand that had been dealt to those in Paul’s day (the emperor Nero was one of the most jaded and evil men to lead the mighty Roman empire) was far worse. So how did the apostle handle this? What were his instructions to these early Christians? Did he tell them to fight back? To organize a rebellion? To resist?

Not at all! Here are Paul’s clear instructions on the matter (specifically to believers living in the city of Rome):

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation” (Rom. 13:1-2).

The remainder of the chapter fleshes out these instructions, explaining that the government is a “minister of God” (v. 4) and thus deserving of our payment of taxes and customs (v. 7). The Greek word translated “be subject” in Romans 13:1 is seen again in Titus 3:1, where Paul instructs Titus regarding his flock: “Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates…” Peter is on the exact same page with Paul, as evidenced by 1 Peter 2:13: “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme.”

So, the Bible is clear on this matter. Believers are to submit to the rulers of this present evil age, even those leaders whom we might believe to be wackos (again, history tells the story that Nero was clearly a deranged leader). The only exception I have found in the Scriptures is when the earthly ruler issues forth an order or directive that is clearly opposed to the directives of our heavenly Father. For example, when the Jewish leaders ordered the disciples to refrain from teaching the doctrine of Jesus Christ, “[t]hen Peter and the other disciples answered and said, ‘We ought to obey God rather than men’” (Acts 5:28-29). There are other occasions as well, as when Daniel deliberately violated the Persian emperor’s ban on any worship other than worship directed to himself (the emperor’s pride and hubris had led to his desire to be worshipped as a god). Daniel disobeyed authority “and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime” (Daniel 6:10). However, it should be noted that these exceptions are rare and occur when a ruler is blatantly blasphemous, putting the believer’s testimony on the line. If believers (or members of society at large) went around willy nilly choosing not to submit, anarchy would be the result.

Our society is sick right now, because this principle of submitting to authority has been neglected. This principle may not seem to directly connect to the operation of the home and our marriages, but, in fact, this broad Scriptural mandate to submit to authority also forms the foundation for a healthy home. Sadly, this principle is being neglected in the home as well.

  1. The most effective way to exert authority is through love

When I worked as a school headmaster, I enjoyed some parts of the job and struggled with other responsibilities of the job. Being responsible for discipline in a school isn’t a glorious job, but it does provide a great platform from which to touch lives. When a student is “in trouble,” he will give you his undivided attention when he is put on the “hot seat,” which creates a great teaching moment and the opportunity for the young person to really learn something. But when a student is in serious trouble, the lessons can get very serious. Perhaps the toughest moments came when students committed a major infraction as defined by the school handbook, bringing forth the possibility of expulsion. It was emotionally wrenching to everyone involved to have to remove a student from the school that I operated, but sometimes this had to be done to protect an atmosphere of authority and order and to protect the welfare of the remaining students. But it was very difficult.

Over the time I worked in a school, I learned how to relate to students better, and how to do a better job as a disciplinarian. I learned a powerful “secret” along the way. It is this: the best way to lead students, the best way to deal with discipline, the best way to get children to pull with you toward good objectives, is to love them! That’s right, the best, most powerful way to exert authority is through love. I learned that when children and teens know that they are truly loved, and that their welfare is truly important to the authority figure, the majority will get in line and follow a leader who loves them. This became my number one strategy in dealing with school discipline, and it created a very good environment in the schoolhouse. Full disclosure: it was my experience that about 90 percent of students responded to being loved by almost always behaving within the boundaries (with some even blossoming into leaders). What about the other 10 percent? Sadly, they had to be conquered by force, and be shown tough love. Again, sometimes they even had to be removed from the school. Typically, the students who behaved in this way had a completely unsettled home life and had experienced intense disruption in their families. But, even in those cases, later in life many of these individuals would filter back through my life and acknowledge that they had done wrong and would later appreciate the school’s past attempts to love them and reach them. Bottom line: love is a powerful force for leadership and the exertion of authority.

Because “agape” is of God, and so very powerful, we should not be surprised that this principle is exactly what the Word of God prescribes for the home. It is the very simple-but-powerful flow of love that holds a home together. This is the core of our Ephesians 5 study. God loves His Son. God loves man that He created with a love so powerful that our sin and rebellion could not thwart His purposes. God sent His beloved Son to die for our sins, and to pay our sin-debt of death. When I accepted that gift—the gift of His Son’s death for me—God gave me the righteousness of Jesus Christ…again, it’s a gift! As a man who now possesses a new nature in Christ, I am to respond to Christ’s love by walking with Him in faith and obedience. As a husband, I am to lead my wife and my family in the spirit of this love. Not as a tyrant. Not as a power-hungry, insecure man. But I am stand up in my home as a leader who walks in love by the power of the Holy Spirit of God. That is where it all begins. For families, this verse continues to emerge as the key: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph.5:25).

In this context, and only in this context, can we then understand and apply Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” This is to be done by the wife voluntarily (“submit yourselves”), not under duress or threat.  This has nothing to do with her interactions with other men, but is “unto your own husbands.” This rules out these male-dominated cultures in which men try to hang onto power and push all women into a subordinate status. And holding this entire teaching from Ephesians 5 and 6 together is that this concept and lifestyle is to be carried out “as unto the Lord,” such that the husband and wife both know their ultimate accountability is to the Lord Jesus Christ. We will see this same principle in Ephesians 6, where children are instructed to “obey your parents in the Lord” (v. 1), and fathers are to bring up their children in the “nurture…of the Lord” (v. 4). If the husband is not abiding in the Lord Jesus Christ for his source of love, the formula breaks down. If the wife is not abiding in the Lord Jesus Christ to supply her source of submission, the formula breaks down. Based on this, I would not counsel a woman to submit to a husband who is blatantly or rebelliously outside the Lord’s will and is not the lover-leader described here in Ephesians 5.

There are many voices out there telling us how to lead, how to parent, and how to do just about anything better. The Bible teaches that of all of these principles and philosophies, “the greatest of these is love [agape]” (1 Cor. 13:13). The catch is that this love is only available from the Lord!

In conclusion, submission to authority in the home produces a healthy home. Even better, submission to authority “in the Lord” produces a godly home.

  1. Submission and equality are different concepts

So it’s no secret that controlling men have pulled the phrase “wives submit” out of the context of entire message of Ephesians 5 and 6 and used this phrase to run roughshod over their wives. But, when looking at the Bible’s teaching on authority and submission, it is very important to see that submission to authority is driven by the various roles that play out in our lives. Never in the Word of God do you find the person who is instructed to submit being asked to submit because he or she is unequal or less of a person. In the matter of submission, equality is not the issue.

Consider a scenario in law enforcement, for example. If I am cruising down the state highway—and maybe cruising just a little faster than the law allows—and I look in my rear view mirror and see bright, flashing blue lights, what happens next. Do I stop my car, get out of my car, and say to the trooper: “Hey man, what’s the deal? Why are you stopping me? You are a man. I’m a man. You’re not any better than me. We are equals. So, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna get back in my car and drive off, and you’re gonna deal with it.” How would you expect that to work out for me? It would be a true statement for me to protest that, as equals, he shouldn’t have jurisdiction over me. Should he?

Here is probably what plays out next. After he handcuffs me and gets me into the back of his car, the trooper will likely explain the following: “Look pal. You are right. We are equals, and I’m not any better than you. But, on this road, I have a job to do, and the state gives me jurisdiction to run things. When you accepted your driver’s license, that’s the system that came with it. So now you are charged with resisting arrest in addition to speeding.” The state would side with the trooper, and I would be in double trouble. This is as it should be. This gives society a better shot at operating “decently and in order.” If this so-called rule of law breaks down (and it is certainly fraying in many cities), we are in big, big trouble as a nation.

The truth is that use of authority has nothing to do with equality. Authority is instead necessary for the roles that we play as we move through life (and I would argue that these principles will move with us into eternity based on the consistency of God’s character). In an orderly society—and in an orderly home—the party who submits does so voluntarily, for the sake of organization and function. The party who submits is not submitting because he or she is inferior. Those who teach or infer this are guilty of perverting the biblical truths about submission and authority.

Thus, when a wife submits to the husband as the lover-leader of the family unit, she does so voluntarily, in keeping with a role in the family to play, and not because she is less of a Christian or less of a person than the man to whom she submits. And if the man is smart, he will champion her thoughts, desires and opinions as he attempts to lead the home. My two sons have now reached ages 22 and 18. My daughter is 15. Already the boys are physically stronger than their dad, and in many areas they are mentally stronger than I. Therefore, they, too, submit to dad and mom based on principle, not inequality. In many ways, my wife and my children are superior to me, yet they, in a spirit of love, submit to me as the lover leader. There will be more to discover on this when we move into Ephesians 6.

  1. The Lord Jesus Christ was submissive to the will of the Father

If you feel a little uncomfortable with all of this talk about submission, it may be the case that you have fallen victim to the subtle lies of a prideful heart. Pride can be blatant; it can also be sneaky. Because of the sin nature that we inherited from Adam, our minds and in fact our entire beings struggle with the idea of submitting to another person or authority figure. That is pride, and we are reeking with it in the natural man. This pride infected mankind through Satan himself. When Eve yielded her mind and her will to Satan’s alternate plan, and when Adam shirked his responsibility to be the lover-leader and also joined the rebellion, the poison of pride entered the human race, with devastating results playing out in our lives and playing out on our planet at this very hour.  This pride can be cloaked in many disguises, so be alert.

And before any of us start pushing back or rebelling in the roles that require us to be submissive, we must consider that heartbeat of Jesus Christ’s earthly life was submission to the will of His Father. The Bible teaches that the Lord Jesus voluntarily and lovingly emptied Himself of all rights and all honors that were rightfully his as the Creator, and in humility He submitted—day after day, situation after situation, to the Father. Jesus Christ reveals that the proper relation to the Father is to have no will, no rights, and no claims of our own and instead to let His will fill us for His purposes. Philippians 2 teaches this truth very clearly and powerfully. Also consider these statements from Jesus Christ:

“I can of mine own self do nothing; as I hear, I judge; and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me” (John 5:30, emphasis added).

“For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me…and this is the will of Him that sent Me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on Him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise Him up at the last day” (John 6:38, 40, emphasis added).

If we still have reservations about this business of putting the interests of others ahead of our own, or if we are chafing at the very idea of yielding to a spouse, supervisor, or police officer, then we are absolutely missing the divine program of God and are in bondage to pride. We are guilty of attempting to throw the biblical message of decency and order out of the window, and saying instead, “Let’s do this my way!” When we resist authority, we are rebelling against God Himself (again, the only exception is when the authority figure is attempting to force the believer to act in a way that contradicts the Word of God).

The freedom from this bondage of pride comes from the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. His humility and submission is available by faith for the believer, supernaturally, at each point of need in our life and in our daily walk. The walk of humility is pleasing to our Lord. The walk of humility and submission opens the door to God’s power to flow into our lives and service. As we submit when and where we are required, God deems this to be submission to Him. As we obey those in authority over us, we are to obey not as “men pleasers” but at the heart level “as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ” (Col. 3:23b-24).

In the next lesson, we will see how this truth is to flow specifically into the home and into the lives of our children. It is critical that our children see the truths taught in this week’s lesson, or they will have some painful battles ahead of them.

Battle stories from the front lines: “Junior” making important decisions while the authority figures shirk their duties; fathers crashing into crisis situations and attempting to use authority without first engaging in consistent love to his family; parental undermining of authority in the presence of their children



  1. “So it all begins with the husband…that’s what I figured. I’m gonna tell him loudly and clearly to get his act together and fix this family!!
  1. “My wife never tells me she loves me. Doesn’t she know I need to hear that too? What do I need to do to get this across to her!?”


Your turn

  1. The late pastor and evangelical leader Dr. Adrian Rogers challenged parents to be “firm, fair and fun.” How are you doing as a parent in each of these categories?
  1. Do you know your spouse’s “love language”? (And how to specifically touch his or her heart with the most impactful type of love?)


Dad loves Mom – Family Priority Number 1: The Marriage

ktdby John Howell, Jr.


This is Lesson 2 in the study “Kids These Days: Biblical Help for Families.” This  13-week study is aimed at connecting powerful truths that the Bible gives us about the family with the pressing, painful needs within our families.

While parenting is hugely important and even sacred in significance, the human relationship that is most critical is the marriage relationship. The marriage relationship is second in importance only to one’s walk with God through Jesus Christ, which is the relationship that trumps (and controls) all others. The marriage relationship is more important than the role of being a parent. It is more important than the role of being a (grown) child. It is more important than one’s role as employee, business owner, or supervisor. It is more important than any friendship. My role as a husband is more important than my role as a pastor serving in the local church.

The Power Passages: Ephesians 5:22-33 (especially verses 22-25); 1 Peter 3:7

When Daddy loves Mommy, and the home radiates the feeling of a stable sanctuary from the craziness of our planet, the children in the family receive joy and confidence. Conversely, we need to realize what goes on in a child’s heart and mind when parents fight and fuss, or worse. Our little ones are looking to us and to our/their homes for their foundational peace, even after they grow up. You may be thinking: “Uh oh! We’ve really messed that up for them!” If you feel that way (and we probably all do to some degree), know that everyone struggles as the result of our innate, sinful selfishness. Take solace in the reality of the redemptive power of God’s grace and in the fact that we can—through the power of Jesus Christ flowing through us—respond to this truth now and begin to impact our families with the peace and love of heaven.

Here are the three takeaways in this week’s lesson:

  1. Marriage is a picture of an important spiritual truth

I love asking married couples the “how-did-you-meet” question. I cherish my wife’s and my story. If you don’t believe in the possibility of love at first sight, I’m pretty sure I could put up a good debate with you on that. I was 15 years old, and summertime life pretty much revolved around the little league baseball park, which was a five minute walk from my boyhood home. I was a lefty who played first base, savored the post-game free snow cones, and enjoyed my buddies. Life was pretty simple. Then one day, that summer when I was 15, I saw her. Standing in front of the bleachers. What a smile! What a gorgeous girl! Incoming…Cupid’s arrow…direct hit!

I was smitten, but very shy. So I spent the next several months watching her from a safe distance. I knew when her brothers would be playing baseball (meaning she would likely be there). I knew her parents’ vehicles. I think the modern term for my strategy would be “stalking.” My friends faded in importance. My mind was in another place entirely. After a few months of observing my paralysis and pining, my cousin/best friend walked up to Jennifer at a ninth-grade dance and very much broke the ice. “My cousin wants to dance with you,” he told her, “but he is too shy to ask you. Will you dance with him?” In retrospect, I realize that this crossroads had two potential outcomes: freeze up or step up. I stepped up…thanks cuz!

Jennifer and I dated all through the rest of junior high school and high school, except for a couple of months when she transitioned from junior high to high school and announced to me those dreaded words: “let’s take a break.” (I’m almost over that painful period). We stayed together as we went to college at Ole Miss. When I was a junior, and she was a sophomore, we knew it was time, and we were married during spring break, 1991.

Full disclosure: right before we married, I did my best to talk her out of marrying me. Why? I loved her so much, that I wanted her to be sure that she wanted to throw in for life with a guy who wasn’t gearing his life around the American dream of big house/lucrative career/nice toys/travels, etc. Instead, she would be getting permanently mixed up with a guy who believes that this world is just a place where we learn to die to self and learn to live out by faith a life in which we focus on the things that have eternal significance. I loved her so much that, unless she also saw the big picture in this way, I did not want her to be with me and be frustrated that our goals were not in sync.

Thankfully, she didn’t blink! At this writing, our marriage has been a glorious 25 ½  years and has been blessed with three children. My relationship with Jennifer brings incalculable joy and meaning to my life journey. The way I can count on her and can count on us brings strength and peace to me that is my foundation for service and ministry, second in significance only to my eternal security in Christ.

You may be wondering…what does your love story have to do with God (or Ephesians, Chapter 5)? Here’s the spiritual connection: my feelings of love and devotion to my wife provide me with insight into how Jesus Christ feels about me. He loves me much like I love my wife—only His love transcends even my strong love for Jennifer because, well, He is God! He is love!

Thus, as a metaphor, marriage helps us to understand some important truths about God. It also gives us insight into His priorities and plan for creation. We know that God is beyond brilliant…He is majestically and gloriously wise. His depths of wisdom and majesty are unfathomable and beyond what our finite minds can grasp. To help us to least get a glimpse of the important, fundamental truths about Him, God has put into motion things that we can understand that He then connects to those important spiritual truths. In addition to the marriage metaphor, some additional examples of this from Scripture include:

  • The way we are told to look to Him and trust God as our “Father”
  • The fact that a fellow believer is our “brother” or “sister” in Christ
  • How children are told to obey and honor their earthly parents as the “training wheels” version of learning to obey their Creator.
  • The use of many other metaphors that help us to understand invisible, spiritual truths: “light” of the world, “bread” of life, Shepherd/sheep, branch/vine/fruit and countless others.

Marriage was put into motion by God in part to help us understand many truths about Him, especially about His great “agape” love for us. When the Word of God connects the marriage of a man and a woman to the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church, we can know that marriage is a big, big deal to God. Our “power passage” that teaches about this connection is Ephesians 5:22-33. In this passage, we read these amazing words: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). This is a standard for loving another that is more premium and more pure and more powerful than any love we can imagine. The husband is to love his bride even as Jesus Christ loves the church! Motivated by His love for us and by His obedience to His Father, Jesus Christ suffered immeasurably and loved the church all the way to the cross and charged into the gates of hell, emerging victorious from the grave! And husbands are to love our wives with this kind of love as our model!? Husbands, what should be hitting our minds is that this love for our wives is a sacrificial love, an intense and focused love, a protective love, a selfless love—a love that exceeds all other earthly relationships!

In this Ephesians 5 passage, we learn in verses 30-33 that God set the original marriage union into motion back in the garden of Eden in part to help us to understand the way that He feels about us. When I think about the way I love my wife, these deep emotions and feelings can help me to get at least a glimpse of my Savior’s love for me. This helps my feeble finite mind get a little traction in understanding the way the infinite Lord Jesus Christ feels about me.

In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul reveals that this connection is by design. The relationship between man and wife united in marriage, united in such a special “one flesh” relationship, gives insight into the “great mystery…concerning Christ and the church” (v. 32).

Now, ladies, if your husband were to take this powerful message from Ephesians 5:25 and run with it, what would be your response? (Don’t say, “I would faint!”) According to the amazing God who created you as a woman, according to His Scriptures, you have been built by Him to respond to that love. We will study this beautiful aspect of God’s design for the woman in more detail later, but for now note that it is by the stunning design of our great Creator that:

  1. A man who loves His wife as Christ loves His church;
  2. teamed with a woman who is responding to that strong love being poured into her;
  3. puts into motion a force that is a great testimony to the love of God and the genius of God.

Somehow, mysteriously, in the marriage union, 1+1 equals something bigger, greater and stronger than 2. The one-flesh relationship of marriage is one of God’s most precious and supreme gifts to His creation.

  1. Success in the marriage role depends on our walk with our Savior

Now the hard part.

While the truths presented above are fascinating, glorious and hopeful, there is bad news to confront. The husband is sailing into some pretty strong headwinds. In fact, considering the realities of life on this fallen planet, he is sailing into a monster storm! There are enormous challenges from without the marriage, within the marriage, and within our very hearts and souls.

The external attacks on marriage are obvious. Our culture has abandoned the truths of Scripture, which place loving boundaries on sex and marriage. We are barraged with images and messages telling us to gratify our needs and impulses, regardless of purity or consequences. Our culture tells us that our (fleeting) happiness should be our main passion and goal. Our culture tells us that the Bible’s definition of marriage is lame and outdated (and evangelicals haven’t done a very good job of refuting this attack by living out biblical marriage). This is spiritual war. The enemy quickly attacked Adam and Eve’s “one-flesh” relationship through his temptations, as we see playing out in Genesis 3:

Eve, did God really try to limit your happiness?

Eve, take the forbidden fruit…doesn’t it look good?

Eve, be free from the shackles God has placed on you and Adam…

Adam, Eve, be free…be like a god yourself…be the captain of our own destiny…

The enemy is still using the same strategy, with the same devastating consequences.

The very definition of marriage, from a biblical perspective, has been replaced by both a warped definition of marriage (same-sex “marriage”) and by a “who-needs-marriage anyway” attitude. Believing parents can even fall into this trap of downplaying the significance of marriage, for example, when we emphasize our children’s education and careers over their sexual purity and God’s plan for marriage in their lives.

The external attacks are relentless. Then, within the home, there are other forces feeding into this storm:

  • Financial stress and the long-term toll on families caused by the setup of mom and dad both working outside the home.
  • Extended family members who haven’t figured out the “leave-and-cleave” instructions of Genesis 2:24.
  • Unbiblical priorities, as measured by how we invest our time.

These forces chip, chip, chip into the marriage, like termites. A marriage can get into trouble and be sinking before the couple even realizes the gravity of what’s going on!

But the biggest, toughest, and most pervasive threat to our marriage is what we see when we look into a mirror. It is our sin nature. Ephesians 5:25 instructs me to love my wife selflessly. My sin nature oozes selfishness and ego. Ephesians 5:25 instructs me to sacrifice for her. My sin nature says, “Wait a minute! She oughtta be focused on me!” Ephesians 5:29 tells me to nourish and cherish my wife. My sin nature tells me to make my needs be the primary focus. Wives fight the same internal, sin-fueled battle. Ephesians 5:22 says “submit,” which means “respond,” to your husband. Her sin nature says, “I’ve got a better plan than he does.” Her sin nature says, “I will call the shots because he’s incapable.” Her sin nature issues forth and radiates the desires to control, to lead, and to “fix” her man. However, the part of her made in God’s image is engineered to respond to the leadership of her husband, and a civil war erupts in her heart that drains the peace from her life (and her marriage).

What’s is the answer? How does the husband navigate this storm? How does the wife? Is there any hope, with divorce rates showing no signs of slowing down even with our nation (and the Christian community as well) moving into the 50 percent meltdown rate?

The standards that God puts forth for the husband, and for the wife, are impossible to measure up to in our own strength. For me in my own strength and through my own resources to love Jennifer “as Christ also loved the church” (v. 25)  just has not happened, is not happening, and will not be happening. For Jennifer in her own strength and resources to respond to me “as unto the Lord” is not going to happen, either. Our sin nature recoils at these principles of selflessness. The hope, our only hope, is to by faith access the grace and power of our position in the Lord Jesus Christ. Then, and only then, will His power and resources flow through our lives by means of the Holy Spirit. Looking at Ephesians 5 as a whole, and the letter to the Ephesians as a whole, the Bible student will learn that Paul is teaching that the life of spiritual fruitfulness is attainable for the believer only as he or she is by faith will daily:

  • “be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man” (Eph. 3:16)
  • “put off…the old man [sin nature inherited from Adam, with its pride and selfishness], which is corrupt according to its sinful lusts (Eph. 4:22)
  • “put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness” (Eph. 4:24)
  • “be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18).

The Christian learns from a study of the New Testament that victorious living—in which we experience freedom from the bondage of self  (the worst of all our enemies) and thus freedom from the bondage of sin—is made possible by God’s grace as we place our trust in God’s promises pertaining to who we are in Christ. Though this (sadly) seldom-taught, game-changing truth is not the specific focus of the “Kids These Days” study, before you and I can become a godly spouse or godly parent, we must first know the source of our true power for godly living. Take a hard, hard look at Galatians 2:20, and study the ramifications of this verse, and you will be on your way to unlocking some amazing information about how by faith to tap into the supernatural power of God Almighty Himself as you move through this fraying world. Additionally, Romans Chapters 6-8 is perhaps the most comprehensive teaching in the entire Bible on the reality and implications of these truths. Men, we must go to the Scriptures, which bring us to the person and work of Jesus Christ—and connect us to His power—before we can love our wives even as Christ loved His church. Women, you must go in faith to these truths and connect by faith to His power, before you can respond to your husbands as if you are being led by the Lord Himself.

Go at it another way…and roll the dice on the 50/50 plan. Half of the marriages make it (though outside of Christ are still missing the true blessings of marriage)…and half of the marriages don’t.

  1. Marriage (in the Lord) is AWESOME!

Here is a prayer that every husband should pray: “God, thank you for marriage…thank you for my wife!” Men, when you think about it even just a little bit, you gotta admit that God put forward some of His “amazing grace” when he made woman. In fact, that is how Eve got her name. Adam saw her. His mouth dropped open, and the next words he said were, “Whoa! Man!” Hence the birth of the noun, “woman.”  This occurred after Adam discovered he was lonely because there was not yet before Eve, in all of God’s creation, a help or soulmate who was suitable for Adam (Gen. 20:19). Turns out, God was just adding some dramatic timing by making Adam wait for the best part of creation. God did something about Adam’s loneliness, and, as always, He did it right! He then put them together, and God Himself officiated the first wedding ceremony as Genesis, Chapter 2, comes to a close.

A pattern that emerges in the Bible is that God puts up fences and limitations for our own good, and then the arrangements and avenues that He blesses us with inside the fence are very, very good. For example, extra-marital sexual activity is outside of the fence; thus, it is accompanied by feelings of guilt, fear, and the knowledge that the strong chastening of our heavenly Father is guaranteed to follow. On the other hand, the intimacy of marriage is inimitable, unsurpassed, spectacular and a special “grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).  And God put it all into motion as a very special part of His perfect plan for mankind.

Can I get an “amen”?!

Battle stories from the front lines: Children acting out when a marriage is crumbling around them; what the home looks like when the child or children are running things.


  1. There is a simmering problem that I have got to address with my husband/wife (or I will absolutely explode!), and the kids are in the next room…what’s the next move??
  2. So I’m feeling affectionate, and it is so good to see my wife that I want to let him/her know with a real kiss. ‘Ooooh gross!’ says our daughter. Is it a bad idea to be affectionate to my spouse in front of our children?
  3. Hold on now, so I’m supposed to make sure my kids know they fall just below my spouse in the ‘pecking order’? Won’t that hurt their self esteem?”

Your turn

  1. Why are husbands told to love their wives in Ephesians 5:25, but the wives are not given similar instructions to love their husbands?
  2. Peter warns the husband’s failure to honor his wife will “hinder” his prayers. That sounds serious…what is going on in that verse? (1 Peter 3:7).